OUCH!
As I began my day at work today, I was wondering what I might blog about. There were various things I could write about - devotions I did over the weekend, things God has been showing me, that sort of thing - but rather undecided, I pulled out my Experiencing God workbook.
My, did that give me plenty to write about!
Today's section was titled 'Obedience Is Costly, Part 2' (If the title alone doesn't scare you, then you are far braver than I am) The previous sections reviewed what leads us to being obedient, and what adjustments need to be made to become obedient to God's will. For me this section is a very good, very needed review of what can happen through obedience. As much as I would like to pretend that being obedient to God is all smiles and roses, while that can be somewhat true as we see God's hand and provision; following God is incredibly costly!
I know that I should be applying the concepts to my life specifically, but as I read the chapter, all I could think about was my recently departed family, Brenda and Josh (and little Hosanna!). It is so encouraging and challenging to see them see them step up and chase after God as he moves. What a cost they had to pay!
They are leaving their home to yours truly, with no complete guarantee their house will be standing when they return, left their church, friends, family, and on Josh's end, a job that he (from what I knew of) exceeded at quite well.
One thing the chapter reviewed is specifically the cost others pay when you follow God. Back to Josh and Brenda, for me, I think the worst part will be not seeing Hosanna grow up. I grew up apart from my extended family, so each time I saw them, I got to hear the choruses of 'You've gotten so big, I haven't seen you in so long!' I always found it very annoying.
Give it just a few months and I will be saying those exact same things when I see her again. Talk about dreaded irony.
Now I am not trying to throw a pity party here; I really wouldn't have it any other way. God continues to challenge and push me through what he is accomplishing through them, and that wouldn't happen if they had decided to stick to where they are and ignore God's call. I point this out because there IS a cost to following God, to us and others, so through Josh and Brenda, I catch a small glimpse of what this chapter is talking about.
Here is what really bit into me though. At the end of the chapter, it asks a question with two check marks, which I'll write here:
How will you respond to God when He calls you to a sacrificial commitment? Check one:
■ Yes, Lord!
■ No, that costs too much.
If you were to grab my book, you would see that I checked neither. I hand wrote a note below saying, 'I don't know.' I am trying to be honest with myself, and when the time comes, I can't honestly say which way I would fall. I don't know because I'm not there yet - At least that's what I was thinking as I wrote it down. Here is what was directly below that question.
You may think the last question is a little premature. Not really. That is what the lordship of Christ is all about. You should be able to answer the last question without knowing anything about what God may call you to. Your whole life should be lived with the attitude of "Lord, whatever You may ask of me today or in the future, my answer is yes!" Come to the place in your life where you are willing to surrender all to Him. (Experiencing God, Henry & Richard Blackaby. Claude King, pg. 171)
Again ... OUCH!
As I read the paragraph, I instantly wished to go back and change my answer, because by checking anything but Yes, I had already checked No! The obedient heart can only say yes; there is no maybe, no let me think about it - we say YES! It is a day by day, and moment by moment decision. Before God even approaches me and says, "Here's where I am, and here's where I want you to plug in" my heart attitude should already be ready to serve in whatever he calls me to!
I don't really like these moments. I don't like seeing that my heart isn't fully devoted to him, but I do believe that as I continue to follow and learn about God, I will learn to love him, and in turn, will obey him, regardless the cost.
This is going to be a long, but good week. I wish I would post about this separately, but I don't really want to make two posts, so I'll say it here instead. I intend on following this INSANE read the bible in a month schedule to start the New Year. What better than to kick it off with hours and hours in the Word?
That being stated, my postings will actually be day to day as I recap what I read that day. I have never read all of the bible before, not even once, so considering I've been saved for quite some time, I think it's time I fully read what I claim to believe in.
On top of that, my church is starting its annual prayer room. What it is, is that for 24 hours a day for some preset time frame, there is someone at the church, praying. There are various 'stations' around the room that make it easier to drift into the prayer room 'experience' for lack of a better term, but not trying to be super spiritual, the best part of the prayer room is that God shows up every time. I will post about this later on in the week when I actually get to go (I have signed up for just about as many slots as I possibly can) so I can tell with a bit more detail later, but this week, this month, and hopefully for the rest of my life, I am really trying to devote and sanctify my heart back to him.
Day 16
Posted by
Karissa
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I think it is very easy to write and pretend I have all the answers. I enjoy writing, so this sort of keeping track is a great way for me to focus on God as I write about the things that have been on my heart as I pursue after him, but I want to make sure that I am still being honest with myself and allowing my writing to be a tool that will continue to sharpen me and keep me chasing after God.
As much as I would like to post some verse and pretend like my spiritual life is just as flawless and just as smooth as it has been in the previous days, I want a real relationship, so I have to start out by being real with myself.
As my previous posts have stated, this week, as expected, was not an easy week. My sister has left for Michigan, I am moving into her house, gaining a new roommate, and struggling to keep God as my main heart focus.
I know for a fact that God has not been the focus of my life the past few days. I know that I have allowed other things to rule my heart instead of him. Worse still is the fact that I could see the progression and allowed it to happen anyway. Ironically enough, I have still been reading my bible, and still learning things and trying to apply his word to my life, but there is a difference between reading his word, and allowing him to be number one in my life.
It's frustrating, discouraging, and encouraging all at the same time. Frustrating because I've been reading my bible. You would think that that is enough to keep me fully God focused. You would think. None the less, I've found that keeping him the lord of my life is a lot more than just pulling out my bible and adding a few more notes to the pages.
Its's discouraging because I feel like I've failed God again (and I have) and I don't like doing that. I know how simple that sounds, but that's the ultimate truth of it. I don't like messing up, I don't like failing, and the fact that I try and fail anyway, is always discouraging.
Where it is encouraging though, and this is by far the most important of the three, is that I care. I am frustrated and discouraged by my lapse of faithfulness, but I will keep going anyway because I know that if I am upset by my failing God, it means that my relationship is real! If I didn't have a real, personal investment in God, I wouldn't care one bit if I were following him or not. I do care though. I am very sorry, and very upset at myself for continuously failing and not following after God like I should.
I am burdened and convicted by a perfect God that has called me to step up and live a life that is much better than what this world has to offer. It's just so hard to do, and frankly, I'm terrible at doing it.
Any time I mess up, I often times throw in the towel and give up. I don't want to do that today. When I am not with God, I am cynical and prideful and I am in general a very unhappy, draining person to be around. As frustrating as it may be to have to face my sin and admittedly say to a holy God, 'Yes, this was very wrong, and I'm sorry', I would rather do that then run and become that mean, bitter person again.
I cannot, and will not keep running from God. I messed up. I knew I would, and I'm upset at myself ... but I have no intentions of giving up on God, claiming that I'm really just giving up on me. If I believe that God can pick up the pieces and make me whole, then I am going to stick around to see it happen. If I choose to walk away from God, all I am really saying is I don't believe he is powerful enough to fix me - that God has ultimately met his match in the can and can't fix it list of life.
As often as I stray and as inconsistent as I am, I truly do believe that God can handle it. I believe he is powerful and life changing. I believe that God can restore my heart to him and show me what it means to be faithful, through example. He already has.
As much as I would like to post some verse and pretend like my spiritual life is just as flawless and just as smooth as it has been in the previous days, I want a real relationship, so I have to start out by being real with myself.
As my previous posts have stated, this week, as expected, was not an easy week. My sister has left for Michigan, I am moving into her house, gaining a new roommate, and struggling to keep God as my main heart focus.
I know for a fact that God has not been the focus of my life the past few days. I know that I have allowed other things to rule my heart instead of him. Worse still is the fact that I could see the progression and allowed it to happen anyway. Ironically enough, I have still been reading my bible, and still learning things and trying to apply his word to my life, but there is a difference between reading his word, and allowing him to be number one in my life.
It's frustrating, discouraging, and encouraging all at the same time. Frustrating because I've been reading my bible. You would think that that is enough to keep me fully God focused. You would think. None the less, I've found that keeping him the lord of my life is a lot more than just pulling out my bible and adding a few more notes to the pages.
Its's discouraging because I feel like I've failed God again (and I have) and I don't like doing that. I know how simple that sounds, but that's the ultimate truth of it. I don't like messing up, I don't like failing, and the fact that I try and fail anyway, is always discouraging.
Where it is encouraging though, and this is by far the most important of the three, is that I care. I am frustrated and discouraged by my lapse of faithfulness, but I will keep going anyway because I know that if I am upset by my failing God, it means that my relationship is real! If I didn't have a real, personal investment in God, I wouldn't care one bit if I were following him or not. I do care though. I am very sorry, and very upset at myself for continuously failing and not following after God like I should.
I am burdened and convicted by a perfect God that has called me to step up and live a life that is much better than what this world has to offer. It's just so hard to do, and frankly, I'm terrible at doing it.
Any time I mess up, I often times throw in the towel and give up. I don't want to do that today. When I am not with God, I am cynical and prideful and I am in general a very unhappy, draining person to be around. As frustrating as it may be to have to face my sin and admittedly say to a holy God, 'Yes, this was very wrong, and I'm sorry', I would rather do that then run and become that mean, bitter person again.
I cannot, and will not keep running from God. I messed up. I knew I would, and I'm upset at myself ... but I have no intentions of giving up on God, claiming that I'm really just giving up on me. If I believe that God can pick up the pieces and make me whole, then I am going to stick around to see it happen. If I choose to walk away from God, all I am really saying is I don't believe he is powerful enough to fix me - that God has ultimately met his match in the can and can't fix it list of life.
As often as I stray and as inconsistent as I am, I truly do believe that God can handle it. I believe he is powerful and life changing. I believe that God can restore my heart to him and show me what it means to be faithful, through example. He already has.
Day 12
Posted by
Karissa
comments (1)
Christmas is fast approaching.
Today is Christmas Eve, meaning that I am spending the time with my parents preparing for what will certainly be an interesting tomorrow.
Yesterday I began gathering my things I would need while at my parents house, and regardless the fact that it was Sunday, it wasn't until much later that night that I realized I had yet to do any personal devotions that day.
It would have been close to around midnight at this time, and the second the thought hit me, I internally groaned. It's not that I don't enjoy my time with God, but I was tired. It had been a long day and I was ready to go to bed. I didn't want to stay up any later than I had to, devotions or no devotions.
As I stood in the kitchen pondering my options, a thought hit me.
What is the exact reason I'm doing this anyway?
Less than two weeks ago I was hardly reading my bible, and now I couldn't miss one day, even after being in church that day? It may sound like I was being negative, but my internal attitude wasn't that of pessimism, it was simply wanting to sort out the real reason behind my new lifestyle.
As I thought over the reasons why, one thing kept coming to mind. The reason I am trying so hard to read my bible and grow closer to God, is because I believe that God is real. That may sound so simple and such a good Christian thing to say, but let me elaborate more.
I have searched in this world for things of value. What can I invest my time in that has true purpose to it? What can I do with my life that isn't a waste? Is there something concrete like a job or wealth that will bring me fulfillment, or is it something a bit more abstract, like 'happiness' or 'peace'?
When you start asking yourself these questions, you will find that all the various things in life that we find to be so important start to loose their value at an incredibly fast rate, until all that's left is the idea of 'something more' out there.
If the whole 'Christ/God' thing is real, then it means that Jesus is a living God, and there is true hope for mankind. If Jesus rose from the dead, there can be purpose to life through him!
However, the contra wise would be true as well. If Jesus is not God, or if there is no god at all, then there is no redemption for mankind, and life is an entirely pointless timeframe where we live in limbo, some luckier than others, and then we all die. That's that.
Now that being said, truth is truth, and what I believe about truth does not change what is in fact true. Example; many people believed that the Mayan calendar would mark the end of time, yet here we are. Our beliefs do not impact what actually is! My belief if there is, or is not a god, will not change the existence of God one way or another.Truth is still truth, regardless of what I think.
However what my beliefs do change, is how I choose to live in response to them. When it comes to what choices a person makes in life, it all boils down to what they believe. If you believe that there is no god, or that Jesus is not the son of God, then cars, money, relationships with people on earth, is all that humanity has to live for, and your lifestyle will reflect as much. For someone that believes that Jesus is God, then cars, money, and all the things that the world have to offer, should be the very last thing on their mind!
So because of that; because of the fact that I do believe that Jesus is real, that God is real, and that he is the only thing that can give me purpose to my life, I have no choice but to live that out and draw closer to him! If I choose to live outside of God's will for my life, that's not saying anything about my choices, nearly as much as it is detailing my exact beliefs about God. By choosing to negate God's word and his power in my life, it shows that I don't believe he is worth my time, nor the effort it took to grow closer to him. If I truly believed and had faith that God's word was powerful and could change lives, I would be in his word - there is no other option!
I am happy to say that regardless the fact I was tired and really didn't want to stay up any later than I had to, I chose to bring out my bible and invest time into God's word. Looking back today, I am so glad that I did. I can say that I love God, but if my life doesn't reflect that - if I am not willing to make even the slightest of sacrifices to bring him more into my life, then do I really love God?
Throughout the entire old testament, you can see the heart cry of God for his people to return to him. We can see the history of this in books like Judges, Exodus, and Hosea. Honestly, I would say in every book of the old testament, you can see God at work towards restoration. He was always initiating ways to bring his creation back to himself.
Jumping forward a bit, what if God hadn't sent Jesus to the earth? If God hadn't taken that final act of love, what good would have all those previous miracles done? Without the cross, God's provision in the world would have amounted to nothing more than a hopeless race bearing tales of a God who gave up on them as time went by.
Luckily, we have a God who does live out what he says to perfect consistency. When God says I will never leave you, or forsake you, that's exactly what he means. He says it, and then lives it by example perfectly.
One day, I hope this is true of me. When I say 'I love God', I hope that my life is an exact reflection of those words. I do believe that God is real, so though I can't live nearly as perfectly or consistently to what I wish I could, I want to put forth my best effort to pursue after having a real walk with him, because I know and believe he is there, and wants a relationship with me too!
Today is Christmas Eve, meaning that I am spending the time with my parents preparing for what will certainly be an interesting tomorrow.
Yesterday I began gathering my things I would need while at my parents house, and regardless the fact that it was Sunday, it wasn't until much later that night that I realized I had yet to do any personal devotions that day.
It would have been close to around midnight at this time, and the second the thought hit me, I internally groaned. It's not that I don't enjoy my time with God, but I was tired. It had been a long day and I was ready to go to bed. I didn't want to stay up any later than I had to, devotions or no devotions.
As I stood in the kitchen pondering my options, a thought hit me.
What is the exact reason I'm doing this anyway?
Less than two weeks ago I was hardly reading my bible, and now I couldn't miss one day, even after being in church that day? It may sound like I was being negative, but my internal attitude wasn't that of pessimism, it was simply wanting to sort out the real reason behind my new lifestyle.
As I thought over the reasons why, one thing kept coming to mind. The reason I am trying so hard to read my bible and grow closer to God, is because I believe that God is real. That may sound so simple and such a good Christian thing to say, but let me elaborate more.
I have searched in this world for things of value. What can I invest my time in that has true purpose to it? What can I do with my life that isn't a waste? Is there something concrete like a job or wealth that will bring me fulfillment, or is it something a bit more abstract, like 'happiness' or 'peace'?
When you start asking yourself these questions, you will find that all the various things in life that we find to be so important start to loose their value at an incredibly fast rate, until all that's left is the idea of 'something more' out there.
If the whole 'Christ/God' thing is real, then it means that Jesus is a living God, and there is true hope for mankind. If Jesus rose from the dead, there can be purpose to life through him!
However, the contra wise would be true as well. If Jesus is not God, or if there is no god at all, then there is no redemption for mankind, and life is an entirely pointless timeframe where we live in limbo, some luckier than others, and then we all die. That's that.
Now that being said, truth is truth, and what I believe about truth does not change what is in fact true. Example; many people believed that the Mayan calendar would mark the end of time, yet here we are. Our beliefs do not impact what actually is! My belief if there is, or is not a god, will not change the existence of God one way or another.Truth is still truth, regardless of what I think.
However what my beliefs do change, is how I choose to live in response to them. When it comes to what choices a person makes in life, it all boils down to what they believe. If you believe that there is no god, or that Jesus is not the son of God, then cars, money, relationships with people on earth, is all that humanity has to live for, and your lifestyle will reflect as much. For someone that believes that Jesus is God, then cars, money, and all the things that the world have to offer, should be the very last thing on their mind!
So because of that; because of the fact that I do believe that Jesus is real, that God is real, and that he is the only thing that can give me purpose to my life, I have no choice but to live that out and draw closer to him! If I choose to live outside of God's will for my life, that's not saying anything about my choices, nearly as much as it is detailing my exact beliefs about God. By choosing to negate God's word and his power in my life, it shows that I don't believe he is worth my time, nor the effort it took to grow closer to him. If I truly believed and had faith that God's word was powerful and could change lives, I would be in his word - there is no other option!
I am happy to say that regardless the fact I was tired and really didn't want to stay up any later than I had to, I chose to bring out my bible and invest time into God's word. Looking back today, I am so glad that I did. I can say that I love God, but if my life doesn't reflect that - if I am not willing to make even the slightest of sacrifices to bring him more into my life, then do I really love God?
Throughout the entire old testament, you can see the heart cry of God for his people to return to him. We can see the history of this in books like Judges, Exodus, and Hosea. Honestly, I would say in every book of the old testament, you can see God at work towards restoration. He was always initiating ways to bring his creation back to himself.
Jumping forward a bit, what if God hadn't sent Jesus to the earth? If God hadn't taken that final act of love, what good would have all those previous miracles done? Without the cross, God's provision in the world would have amounted to nothing more than a hopeless race bearing tales of a God who gave up on them as time went by.
Luckily, we have a God who does live out what he says to perfect consistency. When God says I will never leave you, or forsake you, that's exactly what he means. He says it, and then lives it by example perfectly.
One day, I hope this is true of me. When I say 'I love God', I hope that my life is an exact reflection of those words. I do believe that God is real, so though I can't live nearly as perfectly or consistently to what I wish I could, I want to put forth my best effort to pursue after having a real walk with him, because I know and believe he is there, and wants a relationship with me too!
Day 8
Posted by
Karissa
comments (0)
I am quite certain that I have been shopping every single day of the week, for almost all of this past month, getting as ready as I possibly can for the upcoming holiday.
Christmas has always been a special time for many families, and each Christmas brings new memories that mark another year's passing. For this particular family Christmas, many things are about to change, and I find myself being apprehensive at the least.
For starters, one of my sisters is moving away to a new state, attend schooling for the purpose of missions. My other sister (I have three) is pregnant with her first child, and as exciting as these changes are, they leave me slightly saddened.
I often wonder if what I am feeling now is nothing more than the emotions of hundreds before me. The only thing I wish to do is pause time and continue to live in a sort of reply of what soon will be a memory. In my world now, my family is but a car ride away, my niece is small and can't say my name, and I can remain the young little sister with no need to step up and stand on my own. With the way things are now, I understand my role, where I fall into place, and things are fairly easy.
Soon that will be very different.
I try not to dwell on it because it won't help me or anyone to think about the changes that will come, but at the end of the day, I'm heart broken. It's not just that my sister is moving away, but seeing how they are progressing in their lives, I fear that our bonds will start to loosen. I somehow feel that as my siblings progress in their lives, I will have less and less things in common with them, and soon I will be like my own mother, who doesn't often get to speak with her sisters, and rarely gets to see them.
Greater than my emotional concerns though, is what will happen when she is gone. God has used her influence so greatly in my life to show me his grace and patience. She has been an encouragement so many times and always points me back to God when I need it most; when I am too afraid to ask others for help. As much as I would like to pretend that my reasoning is strictly selfless and 'for the love of my family', many of my reasons are selfish.
After a lot of internal review, and asking myself the various why's that lead to my fear, in simple terms, I find that I don't want to grow up. I don't want to be an 'adult' who is fully responsible and fully seeking after Christ on my own accord.
I somehow have made a habit of living vicariously through her, and now that she is moving, I can't really sedate myself in watching her follow God, I have to do it myself. I'm very afraid of this. I've seen, for my entire life in fact, what it means to follow after God and serve him, but for lack of analogy, I've always been the child teetering on top of other's feet, allowing them to carry me as they move and progress. Their progress was directly proportionate to my own.
What happens when I start to walk on my own, and I fall?
Fall I will - and I know that God will be there to pick me up - but that doesn't make it any less scary to start taking those first steps on my own.
I don't know. It's five days till Christmas, and I am counting down the days to see what happens.
Sink or swim?
I guess we will find out.
Christmas has always been a special time for many families, and each Christmas brings new memories that mark another year's passing. For this particular family Christmas, many things are about to change, and I find myself being apprehensive at the least.
For starters, one of my sisters is moving away to a new state, attend schooling for the purpose of missions. My other sister (I have three) is pregnant with her first child, and as exciting as these changes are, they leave me slightly saddened.
I often wonder if what I am feeling now is nothing more than the emotions of hundreds before me. The only thing I wish to do is pause time and continue to live in a sort of reply of what soon will be a memory. In my world now, my family is but a car ride away, my niece is small and can't say my name, and I can remain the young little sister with no need to step up and stand on my own. With the way things are now, I understand my role, where I fall into place, and things are fairly easy.
Soon that will be very different.
I try not to dwell on it because it won't help me or anyone to think about the changes that will come, but at the end of the day, I'm heart broken. It's not just that my sister is moving away, but seeing how they are progressing in their lives, I fear that our bonds will start to loosen. I somehow feel that as my siblings progress in their lives, I will have less and less things in common with them, and soon I will be like my own mother, who doesn't often get to speak with her sisters, and rarely gets to see them.
Greater than my emotional concerns though, is what will happen when she is gone. God has used her influence so greatly in my life to show me his grace and patience. She has been an encouragement so many times and always points me back to God when I need it most; when I am too afraid to ask others for help. As much as I would like to pretend that my reasoning is strictly selfless and 'for the love of my family', many of my reasons are selfish.
After a lot of internal review, and asking myself the various why's that lead to my fear, in simple terms, I find that I don't want to grow up. I don't want to be an 'adult' who is fully responsible and fully seeking after Christ on my own accord.
I somehow have made a habit of living vicariously through her, and now that she is moving, I can't really sedate myself in watching her follow God, I have to do it myself. I'm very afraid of this. I've seen, for my entire life in fact, what it means to follow after God and serve him, but for lack of analogy, I've always been the child teetering on top of other's feet, allowing them to carry me as they move and progress. Their progress was directly proportionate to my own.
What happens when I start to walk on my own, and I fall?
Fall I will - and I know that God will be there to pick me up - but that doesn't make it any less scary to start taking those first steps on my own.
I don't know. It's five days till Christmas, and I am counting down the days to see what happens.
Sink or swim?
I guess we will find out.
Day 6
Posted by
Karissa
comments (0)
"And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in the unity of faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ:"
Ephesians 4:11-13
The bible can be very daunting; I'm just trying to be honest.
Though I do enjoy the time spent reading it, who hasn't grabbed their bible with wide eyes, wondering some variant of, "Where in the world should I start today?"
Often times, I can take a cautious approach to reading the bible. I want something 'light' today so I'll read a few Psalms, I need to work on being 'nicer' to those around me so I'll read some of the letters Paul wrote out to the churches; things like that.
Instead of actually investing my time in the word and allowing God to be the one who points out what he wants to show me, without even realizing it, I have predetermined what I should get out of my devotions that day. As I read my passage half heartedly, is it any wonder when I don't get a lot out of my forced devotions? Certainly not!
I point this out in my own life because I think that people take this same mindset when it comes to serving in a church, but more importantly, being a member in the body of Christ.
Earlier in the exact same chapter of Ephesians, Paul writes over the perfect unity that is Christ. Regardless the Godhead, God is still perfectly consistent, and perfectly one. God designed the church to point back to him through its unity. When the church functions as God always intended it to, it cannot do anything BUT point back to him and give him glory!
As much as each individual would love to see their church step up to be that perfect model church, we can get lost in how daunting that task is; get lost in the mundane week to week nuances that can seem like a never ending chore more than an actual way to serve God.
Effectively, we can't see the forest for the trees.
Just like how I step back from really investing myself into a true time where I devote my thoughts and heart to God by reading his word, the church can metaphorically invest themselves only where they feel comfortable. Instead of allowing God to be sovereign and point the church towards what he wants done, the church can sometimes, though well intended, say, "Here is what we are comfortable doing, as well as what we've seen work in the past. This is how we will serve God."
Though God can still work through that church, like in my devotional life, we will miss out on the many opportunities God had placed for us had we decided to allow him to fully lead.
It all starts with us, as individuals. God has really challenged me here in this area, being a young, single female. I often feel as though I don't have a 'right' to plug into the church and serve God until I am older, wiser, and married. I know how inaccurate this is, but it is an honest struggle for me to work around. Through these verses though, God really confronted me with this heart issue.
God has given us (Me) spiritual gifts that when used properly, will encourage and challenge fellow believers in Christ. Not only am I a part of this spiritual equation of the body of Christ, I am a necessary part! God specifically gave those gifts so when (not if) his people plug into the body of Christ, they are fulfilling a role God specifically chose, and equipped them for.
When this does not happen, the body of Christ is missing that key element that was made for the perfecting of the Saints. Every member is a vital piece and instrument used to serve God and unify the body of Christ. We cannot choose where we are comfortable serving and still expect God to move in mighty ways.
As individuals, and ultimately as the body of Christ, we need to admonish and edify each other, and unite under Christ so that when God does move, a watching world will see and know that God is Lord. I don't know what God is planning in my life, or for my church, but I know that when God moves, I want to be ready to serve him, and ready to encourage those serving with me, 'Till we all come in the unity of faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God!
Ephesians 4:11-13
The bible can be very daunting; I'm just trying to be honest.
Though I do enjoy the time spent reading it, who hasn't grabbed their bible with wide eyes, wondering some variant of, "Where in the world should I start today?"
Often times, I can take a cautious approach to reading the bible. I want something 'light' today so I'll read a few Psalms, I need to work on being 'nicer' to those around me so I'll read some of the letters Paul wrote out to the churches; things like that.
Instead of actually investing my time in the word and allowing God to be the one who points out what he wants to show me, without even realizing it, I have predetermined what I should get out of my devotions that day. As I read my passage half heartedly, is it any wonder when I don't get a lot out of my forced devotions? Certainly not!
I point this out in my own life because I think that people take this same mindset when it comes to serving in a church, but more importantly, being a member in the body of Christ.
Earlier in the exact same chapter of Ephesians, Paul writes over the perfect unity that is Christ. Regardless the Godhead, God is still perfectly consistent, and perfectly one. God designed the church to point back to him through its unity. When the church functions as God always intended it to, it cannot do anything BUT point back to him and give him glory!
As much as each individual would love to see their church step up to be that perfect model church, we can get lost in how daunting that task is; get lost in the mundane week to week nuances that can seem like a never ending chore more than an actual way to serve God.
Effectively, we can't see the forest for the trees.
Just like how I step back from really investing myself into a true time where I devote my thoughts and heart to God by reading his word, the church can metaphorically invest themselves only where they feel comfortable. Instead of allowing God to be sovereign and point the church towards what he wants done, the church can sometimes, though well intended, say, "Here is what we are comfortable doing, as well as what we've seen work in the past. This is how we will serve God."
Though God can still work through that church, like in my devotional life, we will miss out on the many opportunities God had placed for us had we decided to allow him to fully lead.
It all starts with us, as individuals. God has really challenged me here in this area, being a young, single female. I often feel as though I don't have a 'right' to plug into the church and serve God until I am older, wiser, and married. I know how inaccurate this is, but it is an honest struggle for me to work around. Through these verses though, God really confronted me with this heart issue.
God has given us (Me) spiritual gifts that when used properly, will encourage and challenge fellow believers in Christ. Not only am I a part of this spiritual equation of the body of Christ, I am a necessary part! God specifically gave those gifts so when (not if) his people plug into the body of Christ, they are fulfilling a role God specifically chose, and equipped them for.
When this does not happen, the body of Christ is missing that key element that was made for the perfecting of the Saints. Every member is a vital piece and instrument used to serve God and unify the body of Christ. We cannot choose where we are comfortable serving and still expect God to move in mighty ways.
As individuals, and ultimately as the body of Christ, we need to admonish and edify each other, and unite under Christ so that when God does move, a watching world will see and know that God is Lord. I don't know what God is planning in my life, or for my church, but I know that when God moves, I want to be ready to serve him, and ready to encourage those serving with me, 'Till we all come in the unity of faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God!
Day 1
Posted by
Karissa
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God is patient.
I feel that is my life in a nutshell right now. I often wonder how much vexation I cause God as I teeter back and forth between a relationship with him and a life where I run from what I know is right. I read my bible, cry a good cry, confess my sin, get that 'feel good' feeling, and then throw it away and run right back to where I was only weeks before. This has been my life pattern for most, if not all, of my post-saved Christian walk of around five years.
Remembering this past history alone is so discouraging for me that it often times leads me to turn from God, because I knew what I was doing, whatever it be at the time, was wrong, knew it was in direct opposition to Gods will, knew I had the power to say no, and still chose to do it anyway.
Why would God want that? Why would God choose to waste his time on a luke warm, inconsistent young girl who can't keep her priorities straight for any measurable length of time?
I often find myself wondering why God can't just punish me, or give up and walk away, as if that would make things better for me. I have often thought, 'If God could just leave me like I completely deserve, I would feel better'. Simply knowing how many times I've willingly betrayed the one person who is by far my biggest advocate - that's a hard pill to swallow.
After being confronted last night by my sister and her husband, I had a conversation with God once more, expressing my heart broken thoughts to him, sharing my fears with him of the fact that if I again tried, I might, and likely would, mess up and run away like I always had before.
I told him how much I feared this. I explained that even though I knew how ridiculous it was, I would rather stay away than just keep messing up over and over again. I asked him why he cared about me. Why did he keep investing his time in me? Why did he even allow me to crawl back to him after betraying him so many times?
I got an answer; very prominent, and very clear.
As I was driving, an incredibly bright shooting star shot across the sky. It was breath taking and beautiful, and I couldn't help but silence my cries for a few moments as I reveled in that short split second beauty. Was it irony that I had seen that; complete chance that I happened to receive some unexpected comfort by the beauty nature offered? Some people perhaps wouldn't have thought twice about it, but I knew instantly what it was. God was simply saying, "Yes. I do love you. You are my creation. I am the God of all that is, and I will not abandon you."
I had nothing more to say. God still wanted to pursue a relationship with me! He was still there, and still just as caring as he had been before all of my countless wrongs. I laughed and cried as I allowed God to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, and encourage me to move beyond the guilt that had been weighing me down and that kept me from following him.
As the title of this message says, this is day one. My goal is to actively chase and pursue a relationship with God for a straight sixty days. Honestly, I have never done this before. I have never been able to go anything over a month where I am in the word and talking with God as I should be. I accept the fact that I may miss a few days, and not do things 'perfectly', but I can't let that pull me down.
I want so badly to be close to God. He is a very real, very alive, and very personal God. I can't say right now that I love him with all my heart, all my soul, and all my mind ... but one day, I do want to be able to say that, and not just say it, but mean it. I want that to be true of my life.
It all starts with today.
Hosea 2:16
I feel that is my life in a nutshell right now. I often wonder how much vexation I cause God as I teeter back and forth between a relationship with him and a life where I run from what I know is right. I read my bible, cry a good cry, confess my sin, get that 'feel good' feeling, and then throw it away and run right back to where I was only weeks before. This has been my life pattern for most, if not all, of my post-saved Christian walk of around five years.
Remembering this past history alone is so discouraging for me that it often times leads me to turn from God, because I knew what I was doing, whatever it be at the time, was wrong, knew it was in direct opposition to Gods will, knew I had the power to say no, and still chose to do it anyway.
Why would God want that? Why would God choose to waste his time on a luke warm, inconsistent young girl who can't keep her priorities straight for any measurable length of time?
I often find myself wondering why God can't just punish me, or give up and walk away, as if that would make things better for me. I have often thought, 'If God could just leave me like I completely deserve, I would feel better'. Simply knowing how many times I've willingly betrayed the one person who is by far my biggest advocate - that's a hard pill to swallow.
After being confronted last night by my sister and her husband, I had a conversation with God once more, expressing my heart broken thoughts to him, sharing my fears with him of the fact that if I again tried, I might, and likely would, mess up and run away like I always had before.
I told him how much I feared this. I explained that even though I knew how ridiculous it was, I would rather stay away than just keep messing up over and over again. I asked him why he cared about me. Why did he keep investing his time in me? Why did he even allow me to crawl back to him after betraying him so many times?
I got an answer; very prominent, and very clear.
As I was driving, an incredibly bright shooting star shot across the sky. It was breath taking and beautiful, and I couldn't help but silence my cries for a few moments as I reveled in that short split second beauty. Was it irony that I had seen that; complete chance that I happened to receive some unexpected comfort by the beauty nature offered? Some people perhaps wouldn't have thought twice about it, but I knew instantly what it was. God was simply saying, "Yes. I do love you. You are my creation. I am the God of all that is, and I will not abandon you."
I had nothing more to say. God still wanted to pursue a relationship with me! He was still there, and still just as caring as he had been before all of my countless wrongs. I laughed and cried as I allowed God to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, and encourage me to move beyond the guilt that had been weighing me down and that kept me from following him.
As the title of this message says, this is day one. My goal is to actively chase and pursue a relationship with God for a straight sixty days. Honestly, I have never done this before. I have never been able to go anything over a month where I am in the word and talking with God as I should be. I accept the fact that I may miss a few days, and not do things 'perfectly', but I can't let that pull me down.
I want so badly to be close to God. He is a very real, very alive, and very personal God. I can't say right now that I love him with all my heart, all my soul, and all my mind ... but one day, I do want to be able to say that, and not just say it, but mean it. I want that to be true of my life.
It all starts with today.
Hosea 2:16
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