This week has had circumstances that I know I will always remember and carry with me. Earlier this week, the 18th of February, a ten year old girl named Hailey Owens was abducted, and the following day located and pronounced dead. The event was tragic and shook the entire community. Across the nation, and even internationally, porch lights were left on for Hailey in a show of support for the grieving family. People wore pink and purple, and over ten thousand people joined for the Candlelight March.
Reflecting on the complete outpour of support this tragedy brought about, it is amazing to see what people can do when they have a purpose - a cause which hearkens them to something greater than themselves. People who had no idea who this family was went out of their way to provide support and encouragement, differences aside, white or black. The potential of this overwhelming support had already been there within the community, lying under the surface of day to day life, however it was the tragic murder of a young girl which brought that incredible kindness from its dormant state into action.
People as a whole live for purpose. They long for a cause, and to fight on the side of good. Regardless the twisted circumstances a story may tell, at the end of the day, we love a good battle and we want the hero to succeed. They have to, because they have a worthy purpose. The hero can't fail. We can appreciate those characters because we too have our own goals we hope to accomplish. Things that normally seem impossible are attempted and met without a moment's hesitation if the need is great. When given the opportunity, the human longs, and needs to come through.
Perhaps from the dawn of time, our very identities have been tied to not just where we have been, but where we are going. When we have a purpose, we are often the best version of ourselves. We work harder, listen closer, and feel alive. Contra wise, when a human is robbed of their purpose through circumstances or decisions, they are lethargic, unmotivated, and utterly miserable. Our need to participate in a cause, something more important than the eight to five, is such a defining part of us. We get this sense of needing to move toward, to accomplish and reach some distant goal, from none other than the Father himself.
The Father has always had a purpose. He wants to have a group of people who chose to love Him and commune with Him forever. From the beginning, humans were to be different from the cherubims and angels. They would be made in His very image, have a body, soul, and spirit, and be made to have their lives fulfilled and defined by His perfect love. When we search to find our purpose in life, we are searching for the Father himself, and our love to complete and accomplish that purpose; a reflection of the heart of God.
His plan for mankind has never changed; held firm in unwavering resolve. Past what seems to us like impossible circumstances, Christ has come through time and time again because His purpose has not yet reached completion. The story continues onward of a lost race, and a God who loves them and wants to reunite them to Himself. We feel the driven need to find purpose, because Christ calls us to join Him in His own purpose still at work today.
Like the Springfield community who was able to step up to the challenge of supporting a hurting family, the Christian has all he/she needs to accomplish a great work. Within us lies the Holy Spirit, which will guide and empower us to join the Father in His work. For many Christians however, that power still remains dormant, as though they are still waiting for that defining purpose.
This should not be, however it is a reality of the time we live in. The call of Christ gets silenced by our day to day monotony, selfish desires, and list of things that need to get done throughout the day. We forget our identity and our driving purpose, and as time moves on and the call to action is forgotten, we wonder why we feel so unfulfilled.
Whether or not one 'feels' the active need the world has for Christ, does not change the fact that it is there. If I 'feel' like I want to follow Christ today, it doesn't change the fact that I already owe it to Him.
It is vital that the Christian keeps perspective on the purpose that the Father has given them, no matter how mundane our life 'feels' to us. We are given the ability to help point people to back to Christ. It is a vital mission, and it is life or death.
Again, we have to keep perspective. We have to. We have to see, be aware, and allow our minds to continually wrap around the idea that we do have a purpose, and it is incredibly urgent. The best way to see it - see the world as more than a day to day existence but an actual the battleground - is to get involved. Do things that expose yourself to that battleground. Renew and refresh your mind in the Word. Get involved in church ministries that show you people's great need and teach you the servant's heart.
Wouldn't be amazing if the Christians of the world took the death of one lost soul, as seriously as Springfield took the murder of young Hailey? There wouldn't be enough candles in the world, and we wouldn't be able to march fast enough.
"The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance." 2 Peter 3:9
This is our purpose.
Ministry, Politics, and Prayer
Posted by
Karissa
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Confession time!
I hate, and love being 'politically correct'. I think that is a term we use now a days when we need to tiptoe around subjects where we don't want to ruffle up any feathers. This term politically correct really is a double edged sword and has gotten so much negative connotation as it is, which some is warranted, though I feel some is not.
I believe there is a time to be 'politically correct'. The term I would rather use, however, because I feel they are very similar, is discretion. We need to be very cautious about what we say to a listening world. There is a time for honest brutality, but also time for a gentle rebuke, and a time for complete and total grace. Discretion is so key here!
The story I can't help but think of for this subject is located in John - a short little passage we are all so familiar with - where we see great examples in both what to do, and what not to do.
And early in the morning he came again unto the temple, and all the people came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them.
And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,
They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.
Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou? This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.
So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him cast a stone at her.
And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.
When Jesus had lifted himself up, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?
She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.
(John 8: 2-11)
When I read this story, it all escalates so fast. I imagine all eyes turning from Jesus' teachings, to the Pharisees who are dragging a woman in with them (who was likely certain that she was about to be stoned to death) She is then put up for spectacle as the question is posed, 'So what do we do with her?' Can you imagine the weight of that moment? As Jesus continues to write in the dirt, I bet that poor woman's stomach was doing flips! Her fate hung on the words of this man who was barely paying them any attention at all!
The scribes and Pharisees planned to use this woman as nothing more than a tool to make Jesus 'mess up' so they could find cause to condemn him. They were so caught up in their own little games and tests that they did not care who they hurt or who's lives they upturned, so long as they could reach their goals. Was she a sinner? Of course! Did she deserve condemnation? Yes! (Don't we all?) Regardless the scribes and Pharisees spot on accusations, myself as a reader, I can't help but be disgusted at how cut throat and merciless they are here. We love seeing Jesus as the hero here, as he is her only much needed advocate come this make or break moment.
Now, Jesus could have addressed this entire situation so many different ways. He could have addressed the Pharisees and rebuked them for their lack of compassion, or their wayward hearts that were far more concerned about themselves than the work of the Father. He could have done things a million different ways, yet in his discretion, he handled things, of course, perfectly.
After a simple response, the seemingly deadly situation is almost instantly diffused, and what once was a hopeless, graceless end for a person caught too deep in their own sin to escape, a new beginning is given.
This is our perfect example.
Where this is hitting home for me, is people's day to day lives. We get so caught up in being politically correct in some areas. We know at work what we can and can't say, we know what we can and cannot say - even as a joke- to our spouse and family, and we even know this secret 'churchy' code over what can and cannot be said in Church.
Now, I think that some of this is a good thing. We NEED to have boundaries. We need to have a standard over what is and is not acceptable behavior, and we need to use discretion when it comes to making those judgment calls.
The issue comes to play when this being politically correct sways off balance, to either side. In the side of us being too politically correct and too guarded, we can sugar coat our lives within the church body until it is superficial and fake. For example, a youth minister having a terrible week where he is really struggling, yet coming to church and plastering on a smile, just trying to get through the service. I'm sure people relate to this, because I've been there many times! My thoughts are usually along the lines of 'I don't want to burden anyone with my problems' but in that, it can cause an even greater problem. One being the fact that we need the prayer when we are struggling, and the other being the fact that we as the body of Christ need to be lifting each other up in prayer, it helps us grow! When we separate our lives away from the body of Christ, we are closing our God's ability to work in that area of the body, and that is very dangerous.
To the other side of the pendulum, where we need to use perhaps more discretion, is when people get outspoken and lost in our own self righteousness. We feel so strongly about a certain subject, and we have verses highlighted in our Bibles, ready to take down anyone who dares to disagree! Now I am not at all saying we need to back down on what Truth is, or is not. What I am saying here is that we need to use discretion and check our hearts before we get carried away. If at the time, our only concern is the bottom line of 'I am right and I will prove it to you' then we are no better than the Pharisees who were so caught up in trying to find guilt on Jesus that they exploited the woman for their own selfish gain.
We have to make sure that all we do is reflective of the heart of God. While we may be spot on about what the Bible says, I do not once recall Jesus hunting people down to beat them up with the Word until things escalated into a heated argument that resulted in both parties wanting nothing to do with the other. We need to confront people in love and grace, just as the Father did with us when we were lost in sin and had (and still have) nothing to offer in return. It is vital that we not lose sight of the Father's heart.
This is a very, very, very fine line. It's hard to make a precise judgment call from the outside looking in, because different circumstances are going to change how we should approach the issue, whatever, and whoever it may be. Also, let's not forget we are human. We don't always have this innate understanding to always handle things in the best way.
In our weakness, we need to cry out to the one who can perfectly guide us, and wants to see us be victorious. We need to constantly be on our knees and in the Word, allowing Him to shape and reform our minds. As we walk with Him, he will give us opportunity to use that discretion, and we can learn and grow from experience.
Not that I myself am a perfect example of discretion, because I certainly am not, but it is such an important issue! For the woman, her very life depended on that discretion, and thank God the decision was left to Christ alone, who chose to love her past her short comings. Sometimes discretion will call us to grace, and other times to turn over tables as we declare with a loud voice, This is NOT right! I pray that come that time for me to make that call in my life, I won't confuse the two. We all need to be begging God for continual guidance so we can always be right where he wants us to be - able to reach and point a lost world back to Him.
I hate, and love being 'politically correct'. I think that is a term we use now a days when we need to tiptoe around subjects where we don't want to ruffle up any feathers. This term politically correct really is a double edged sword and has gotten so much negative connotation as it is, which some is warranted, though I feel some is not.
I believe there is a time to be 'politically correct'. The term I would rather use, however, because I feel they are very similar, is discretion. We need to be very cautious about what we say to a listening world. There is a time for honest brutality, but also time for a gentle rebuke, and a time for complete and total grace. Discretion is so key here!
The story I can't help but think of for this subject is located in John - a short little passage we are all so familiar with - where we see great examples in both what to do, and what not to do.
And early in the morning he came again unto the temple, and all the people came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them.
And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,
They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.
Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou? This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.
So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him cast a stone at her.
And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.
When Jesus had lifted himself up, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?
She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.
(John 8: 2-11)
When I read this story, it all escalates so fast. I imagine all eyes turning from Jesus' teachings, to the Pharisees who are dragging a woman in with them (who was likely certain that she was about to be stoned to death) She is then put up for spectacle as the question is posed, 'So what do we do with her?' Can you imagine the weight of that moment? As Jesus continues to write in the dirt, I bet that poor woman's stomach was doing flips! Her fate hung on the words of this man who was barely paying them any attention at all!
The scribes and Pharisees planned to use this woman as nothing more than a tool to make Jesus 'mess up' so they could find cause to condemn him. They were so caught up in their own little games and tests that they did not care who they hurt or who's lives they upturned, so long as they could reach their goals. Was she a sinner? Of course! Did she deserve condemnation? Yes! (Don't we all?) Regardless the scribes and Pharisees spot on accusations, myself as a reader, I can't help but be disgusted at how cut throat and merciless they are here. We love seeing Jesus as the hero here, as he is her only much needed advocate come this make or break moment.
Now, Jesus could have addressed this entire situation so many different ways. He could have addressed the Pharisees and rebuked them for their lack of compassion, or their wayward hearts that were far more concerned about themselves than the work of the Father. He could have done things a million different ways, yet in his discretion, he handled things, of course, perfectly.
After a simple response, the seemingly deadly situation is almost instantly diffused, and what once was a hopeless, graceless end for a person caught too deep in their own sin to escape, a new beginning is given.
This is our perfect example.
Where this is hitting home for me, is people's day to day lives. We get so caught up in being politically correct in some areas. We know at work what we can and can't say, we know what we can and cannot say - even as a joke- to our spouse and family, and we even know this secret 'churchy' code over what can and cannot be said in Church.
Now, I think that some of this is a good thing. We NEED to have boundaries. We need to have a standard over what is and is not acceptable behavior, and we need to use discretion when it comes to making those judgment calls.
The issue comes to play when this being politically correct sways off balance, to either side. In the side of us being too politically correct and too guarded, we can sugar coat our lives within the church body until it is superficial and fake. For example, a youth minister having a terrible week where he is really struggling, yet coming to church and plastering on a smile, just trying to get through the service. I'm sure people relate to this, because I've been there many times! My thoughts are usually along the lines of 'I don't want to burden anyone with my problems' but in that, it can cause an even greater problem. One being the fact that we need the prayer when we are struggling, and the other being the fact that we as the body of Christ need to be lifting each other up in prayer, it helps us grow! When we separate our lives away from the body of Christ, we are closing our God's ability to work in that area of the body, and that is very dangerous.
To the other side of the pendulum, where we need to use perhaps more discretion, is when people get outspoken and lost in our own self righteousness. We feel so strongly about a certain subject, and we have verses highlighted in our Bibles, ready to take down anyone who dares to disagree! Now I am not at all saying we need to back down on what Truth is, or is not. What I am saying here is that we need to use discretion and check our hearts before we get carried away. If at the time, our only concern is the bottom line of 'I am right and I will prove it to you' then we are no better than the Pharisees who were so caught up in trying to find guilt on Jesus that they exploited the woman for their own selfish gain.
We have to make sure that all we do is reflective of the heart of God. While we may be spot on about what the Bible says, I do not once recall Jesus hunting people down to beat them up with the Word until things escalated into a heated argument that resulted in both parties wanting nothing to do with the other. We need to confront people in love and grace, just as the Father did with us when we were lost in sin and had (and still have) nothing to offer in return. It is vital that we not lose sight of the Father's heart.
This is a very, very, very fine line. It's hard to make a precise judgment call from the outside looking in, because different circumstances are going to change how we should approach the issue, whatever, and whoever it may be. Also, let's not forget we are human. We don't always have this innate understanding to always handle things in the best way.
In our weakness, we need to cry out to the one who can perfectly guide us, and wants to see us be victorious. We need to constantly be on our knees and in the Word, allowing Him to shape and reform our minds. As we walk with Him, he will give us opportunity to use that discretion, and we can learn and grow from experience.
Not that I myself am a perfect example of discretion, because I certainly am not, but it is such an important issue! For the woman, her very life depended on that discretion, and thank God the decision was left to Christ alone, who chose to love her past her short comings. Sometimes discretion will call us to grace, and other times to turn over tables as we declare with a loud voice, This is NOT right! I pray that come that time for me to make that call in my life, I won't confuse the two. We all need to be begging God for continual guidance so we can always be right where he wants us to be - able to reach and point a lost world back to Him.
Homelife
Posted by
Karissa
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Today I thought I would elaborate on my living status, detailing a bit further of where I live now. I moved into a smaller, three bedroom house, where I have two female roommates, and of course my lovely cat Kikwi. Because of where timeframes fell between my potential moving to Michigan and family vacation, it left me a few days over a week to find and secure a new place to live. This meant my source of research was actually Craigslist, and yes, I was scared of using such a source, but I had a week! Beggars can't be choosers right?
To elaborate more on this process, it was honestly nothing short of scary. So many places were with people I didn't, or wouldn't want to live with. (Party houses, 420 friendly, housing with males etc.) Even if I found a place that fit my standards and price range, this of course did not guarantee the character of my potential roommates, nor if they were trust worthy people. For a few days, I was fearful I would have to settle- perhaps just find a place for a month or two until I COULD find a better place sort of thing. There were a few places that I had been texting back and forth, getting further information on, and in the end I did choose where I am now because the landlord mentioned that the current resident, Joanna, was ver similar to myself when it came to religion, and had just gotten back from a missions trip. *insert hallelujah chorus here*
I cannot tell you how thrilled I was to hear this! While I knew it didn't mean that this person would have the same beliefs I did, I did feel a lot better knowing I'd be moving in with someone who took their beliefs seriously, versus people that perhaps did not. It wasn't long after that I put in my security deposit and got the contract all squared away. Though I hadn't met this alleged Joanna or the other myserious person the landlord was working with, it held more promise than any of the other individuals I was working with.
After meeting Joanna, I can easily say that God was certainly watching out for me in my scary, risky move. She is such a strong, godly woman, and is such an encouragement to be around. She is older than I am, works in the medical field, and is activly involded in missions. (I think she said that was her third trip to the Congo - wow!) She is so approachable - there have been multiple times that we have stayed up far too late into the night, talking about life, God's word, matters of the heart - things that matter!
Being in this house has been SUCH a blessing to me.
The other individual that also moved in is a girl named Shilpa. She's very quiet and reserved so while I don't get to see too much of her, the interactions I've had with her are quite pleasant as well. She is from India, and I'm not sure of her religious status honestly. I'm hoping to bring her to youth group activities and such, not just so she might be able to meet new people and make godly friends while she's out here, but also get to hear God's truths as well! (This is something to be in prayer about for sure.)
So this, in short, is the more extended story of my move, as well as the turn out. I am so encouraged to be in an environment that is conducive to growth, especially considering the fact that I had no guarantee, and no way of knowing where I would end up. I really have to praise God for this - he really does watch out for his own!
To elaborate more on this process, it was honestly nothing short of scary. So many places were with people I didn't, or wouldn't want to live with. (Party houses, 420 friendly, housing with males etc.) Even if I found a place that fit my standards and price range, this of course did not guarantee the character of my potential roommates, nor if they were trust worthy people. For a few days, I was fearful I would have to settle- perhaps just find a place for a month or two until I COULD find a better place sort of thing. There were a few places that I had been texting back and forth, getting further information on, and in the end I did choose where I am now because the landlord mentioned that the current resident, Joanna, was ver similar to myself when it came to religion, and had just gotten back from a missions trip. *insert hallelujah chorus here*
I cannot tell you how thrilled I was to hear this! While I knew it didn't mean that this person would have the same beliefs I did, I did feel a lot better knowing I'd be moving in with someone who took their beliefs seriously, versus people that perhaps did not. It wasn't long after that I put in my security deposit and got the contract all squared away. Though I hadn't met this alleged Joanna or the other myserious person the landlord was working with, it held more promise than any of the other individuals I was working with.
After meeting Joanna, I can easily say that God was certainly watching out for me in my scary, risky move. She is such a strong, godly woman, and is such an encouragement to be around. She is older than I am, works in the medical field, and is activly involded in missions. (I think she said that was her third trip to the Congo - wow!) She is so approachable - there have been multiple times that we have stayed up far too late into the night, talking about life, God's word, matters of the heart - things that matter!
Being in this house has been SUCH a blessing to me.
The other individual that also moved in is a girl named Shilpa. She's very quiet and reserved so while I don't get to see too much of her, the interactions I've had with her are quite pleasant as well. She is from India, and I'm not sure of her religious status honestly. I'm hoping to bring her to youth group activities and such, not just so she might be able to meet new people and make godly friends while she's out here, but also get to hear God's truths as well! (This is something to be in prayer about for sure.)
So this, in short, is the more extended story of my move, as well as the turn out. I am so encouraged to be in an environment that is conducive to growth, especially considering the fact that I had no guarantee, and no way of knowing where I would end up. I really have to praise God for this - he really does watch out for his own!
Quenching the Negativity!
Posted by
Karissa
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The past few days have been pretty real to me. Over the past few weeks, I feel that God has been speaking to me about my having such a negative spirit. Though we can laugh about people's bad moods and get great quotes from them (at least I do), when it comes down to it, it's not Godly to be so negative. It just isn't. God wants us to be different and stand out from others, but how can we do that if we are just so angry and bitter about the world around us? What joy can a lost world look to when children of light only grumble and complain? This is a problem!
Without getting into too much detail, I feel very convicted about this in my life. I can look to the person that I know God wants me to be, and see where I have failed. I /want/ to be that person, and I am done making excuses about why I am, or am not who I need to be. While I don't exactly know HOW to become this 'happier' more encouraging and positive individual, I know that there are many positive things I can say about an uplifting, patient God.
Today what I want to do is make a list about the things that I am truly grateful for about God. I don't have a set number - at first I wanted it to be like 25 things, or 50 things that I appreciate, but I don't want it to be fake as I just come up with things to fill a number. I want to write down things that REALLY matter and have personally meant a great deal to me in my life. For those reading this, if you want to make your own list I challenge you to do so! Again I don't know exactly how to go about not being so negative, but I know that if I focus all my attention on such a great God, there won't be anything left to be bitter about. So perhaps seeing where God has blessed others would serve to be a smile on my face and yours :D
Here goes!
1. Being my best friend, even when I was the worst friend in return
2. Simple as it is, just being there. It's nice to know I'm not alone.
3. Always bringing out the best in me - better yet, MAKING the best attributes in me.
4. The fact that you are someone I will never get bored of, and will never be able to 'figure out'
5. Giving me PURPOSE!
6. Being such a good author. And you don't over use exclamation points.
7. That your solutions work. While I don't understand them, it's great to see your plans for mankind. I look forward to when peace on earth is more than just a holiday greeting.
8. For meeting me where I am and being relevant and patient with me - I'm pretty stubborn.
9. Taking the initiative and giving me the next step.
10. For being such a unifying person. It's great how many 'strangers' I relate to, simply because of our common faith.
11. For never being okay with where I am now, and never allowing me to think it's okay either.
12. For caring enough to DO something, and not get frustrated and only doing things halfway.
13. Of course, my salvation. That's such a good churchy term, so what that means to me, is that I CAN have a relationship, that I don't get what I deserve, and that for whatever reason, God sees me as someone he wants to be with for ETURNITY. I don't think there are many people I want to spend literal eternity with, and I know how eh, annoying I can be sometimes. I really like the fact that God WANTS me to be around. Makes it so I want to be around him too :D
For right now, that's what I've got. My goal is to be in the Word and let his truths reform my thinking until I am more aligned to what He wants me to be. I don't want to be negative, and I don't want to drain people when they are around me. I want to be an encouragement to others that are in the day to day walk with Christ as I am.
Without getting into too much detail, I feel very convicted about this in my life. I can look to the person that I know God wants me to be, and see where I have failed. I /want/ to be that person, and I am done making excuses about why I am, or am not who I need to be. While I don't exactly know HOW to become this 'happier' more encouraging and positive individual, I know that there are many positive things I can say about an uplifting, patient God.
Today what I want to do is make a list about the things that I am truly grateful for about God. I don't have a set number - at first I wanted it to be like 25 things, or 50 things that I appreciate, but I don't want it to be fake as I just come up with things to fill a number. I want to write down things that REALLY matter and have personally meant a great deal to me in my life. For those reading this, if you want to make your own list I challenge you to do so! Again I don't know exactly how to go about not being so negative, but I know that if I focus all my attention on such a great God, there won't be anything left to be bitter about. So perhaps seeing where God has blessed others would serve to be a smile on my face and yours :D
Here goes!
1. Being my best friend, even when I was the worst friend in return
2. Simple as it is, just being there. It's nice to know I'm not alone.
3. Always bringing out the best in me - better yet, MAKING the best attributes in me.
4. The fact that you are someone I will never get bored of, and will never be able to 'figure out'
5. Giving me PURPOSE!
6. Being such a good author. And you don't over use exclamation points.
7. That your solutions work. While I don't understand them, it's great to see your plans for mankind. I look forward to when peace on earth is more than just a holiday greeting.
8. For meeting me where I am and being relevant and patient with me - I'm pretty stubborn.
9. Taking the initiative and giving me the next step.
10. For being such a unifying person. It's great how many 'strangers' I relate to, simply because of our common faith.
11. For never being okay with where I am now, and never allowing me to think it's okay either.
12. For caring enough to DO something, and not get frustrated and only doing things halfway.
13. Of course, my salvation. That's such a good churchy term, so what that means to me, is that I CAN have a relationship, that I don't get what I deserve, and that for whatever reason, God sees me as someone he wants to be with for ETURNITY. I don't think there are many people I want to spend literal eternity with, and I know how eh, annoying I can be sometimes. I really like the fact that God WANTS me to be around. Makes it so I want to be around him too :D
For right now, that's what I've got. My goal is to be in the Word and let his truths reform my thinking until I am more aligned to what He wants me to be. I don't want to be negative, and I don't want to drain people when they are around me. I want to be an encouragement to others that are in the day to day walk with Christ as I am.
Focus
Posted by
Karissa
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Continuing in my reflective, spiritual roll call at where I am, my thoughts as of late, and what I feel I've learned (or been reminded of) in response, these are my more rescent findings. (As my father would likely say, growing pains, which are no fun!)
I've had my fair share of frustrations as of late on my spiritual walk. Surprisingly, it's not the larger events that are leading me to this frustration. While there has been definiate changes in my life recently, they are not an overall issue. While they have brought up no doubt questions as my life is being redirected, my recent setbacks have been smaller - to be precise, my own failures and inconsistencies in my own spiritual walk.
I've said it here before, but I don't like messing up and failing God. I am not trying to sound super spiritual, but I don't know how else to word it - it really gets to me. I hate the fact that I am SO bad at doing what I know to be right. Though I know it won't help anything, my first reaction is to throw up my hands and say, 'I tried, and failed, and I'm done.' and just walk away. Again being honest here Christians, who wants to fail over and over and over again? People's lowest places in life are often accompanied by the statement or thought, 'I feel like a complete failure'
It's not fun when you've given something an honest effort and see virtually no results. Pride or otherwise, trying and failing stings on such a personal degree, doesn't it? Isn't it so much easier to keep doing the things you already excel at? This is how I feel often times on my spiritual walk. I hate messing up, and the knowledge that I very likely will KEEP messing up is discouraging.
For those who know me well, it will not be a shock to hear that I am a 'glass is half empty' kind of person. 'I'm not negative - I'm realistic' is often how I explain it, because as you can see, the glass IS half empty after all.
Without really noticing it, this negative attitude seemed to have snuck its way into my Bible reading as of late. For a few days, I was rather upset and frustrated with how difficult things were on earth. It frustrated me at how hard it was do so something so simple, while consistently live in a way that is pleasing to God. What Christ has given us to do in and of itself doesn't SOUND that hard, yet is incredibly challenging to accomplish.
What got me so frustrated reading through Matthew, was just how often it was that the disciples didn't get it. They saw first hand so many miracles and signs, and various times they are in shock, confessing, 'Wow, you really ARE the Son of God' - in my head I'm thinking 'Didn't we just get that established a few chapters ago?? Did you forget what you saw? How can you possibly be so blind?'
Now me being my negative self, this got me thinking. How is it that people exposed to so much God (for lack of a better term) can be so faithless? For people that saw things no other man could do unless he were the Son of God, they were pretty clueless. It's like they learned nothing at all!
Upon reading that, this here is what I got out of it:
If they can't do it, then how in the world am I going to?
And that thought, twisted and negative in nature, yet to myself, a valid question, put me in a slump. If these men who walked around with God himself before and after death couldn't even have an ounce of faith - often missed the picture time and time again, then there was no hope for me! I know very well how miserable I am when I am not in the Word and walking with God as I should be - contrawise though - the idea of constantly missing the picture and always having to relearn the same things over and over again doesn't sound all that great either.
For a few days, I was in a rather unpleasant mood. I remember sitting back on my porch, playing my guitar, only singing half the words because I couldn't bring conviction into what I was attempting to sing. I just couldn't get over it. Why was God calling me to be faithful when his own desciples couldn't do it half the time? How frustrating! I feel bad enough when I am unfaithful, and if the deciples are any indicator, I'm doomed to live a life of missed opportunity and countless mistakes. Was there any way I could ever be victorious and happy with my relationship with Him if I was doomed to fail each time I tried? If that was how things were going to be, was it worth trying? While I knew these thoughts were ridiculous, I couldn't seem to find an answer, so it only served to upset me further. What was I doing wrong?
I decided to title this entry as 'focus', because for where I am right now in the day to day grind of my walk with Christ, I feel this is my ultimate stumbling block - not my failures and unfaithfulness to God as I had initially thought. As I took a step back and began dwelling on the stories, I realized my focus from beginning to end was all wrong.
The focus of the Bible has never been about a terrible people that can't do a single thing right, though that often seems to be the case when looked at with a critical eye. If that's the mindset you are reading with, then like myself, you will miss the entire purpose of the Bible, and it's very possible that you too will glean things out of the Word that aren't at all what's being said.
God's Word has never been a how-to story of people and their great successes in life, but rather a perfect God who is the solution to our sin nature! It is a story detailing His holiness, His loving nature, and a historical record of His efforts to redeem creation. When we shift our focus off the main character, and onto the 'side characters', the story becomes jaded and we miss vital lessons that the Father has placed in the Word for our benefit.
Instead of focusing on how often Peter has his 'foot in mouth' moments, it would be a much more impacting (and much more encouraging!) lesson to see how Jesus never stops being graceful and compassionate towards people - how patient he is through mistakes, and how he always guides his followers to the next step in their walk with Him - be it reaffirming his identity as Messiah, or seeing Him in a new light that grows them closer to him.
If I am so focused on MY mistakes, on MY shortcomings, and MY inability to serve to where I feel I should, then it is no wonder I am getting frustrated and feeling unfulfilled in my walk as of late! If I am so focused on myself and my own problems, that doesn't leave any room for God - of course there is going to be a problem!
Now bear in mind, it is not a bad thing to keep yourself accountable! We should often be giving ourselves a reality check and constantly comparing our lives to the truth of God's Word - where the issue lies is when we get so caught up in our mental checklist that we turn our focus off from Him and onto ourselves. While our intentions may have started well, they can end in a degrading, negative attitude that pulls our focus inward, not upward.
I do say this to myself really, because it is a shame to be so negative when we are such a blessed people. I am not referring to the things and 'stuff' we have, though that is certainly a blessing in and of itself, what I am in reference towards is the fact that we, as children of God have direct access to Him. We are a chosen people. We are so, so special! How silly it is to ever have a negative spirit when we are just SO blessed to even be allowed access to Him. It's sad that we can be compelled to turn our eyes off Him for a moment in favor of something else - especially if that something is beating ourselves up because of our shortcomings.
Recent blessings, in some odd summary I guess, is that I did get the schedule change I requested. This means I'll be able to get more involved in church activities! Also, where I moved into is a really great Christian environment. My roommate is a fantastic girl named Joanna and she is a great, encouraging person to be around. This is something I’ll post about later, because it’s defiantly worth mentioning!
I've had my fair share of frustrations as of late on my spiritual walk. Surprisingly, it's not the larger events that are leading me to this frustration. While there has been definiate changes in my life recently, they are not an overall issue. While they have brought up no doubt questions as my life is being redirected, my recent setbacks have been smaller - to be precise, my own failures and inconsistencies in my own spiritual walk.
I've said it here before, but I don't like messing up and failing God. I am not trying to sound super spiritual, but I don't know how else to word it - it really gets to me. I hate the fact that I am SO bad at doing what I know to be right. Though I know it won't help anything, my first reaction is to throw up my hands and say, 'I tried, and failed, and I'm done.' and just walk away. Again being honest here Christians, who wants to fail over and over and over again? People's lowest places in life are often accompanied by the statement or thought, 'I feel like a complete failure'
It's not fun when you've given something an honest effort and see virtually no results. Pride or otherwise, trying and failing stings on such a personal degree, doesn't it? Isn't it so much easier to keep doing the things you already excel at? This is how I feel often times on my spiritual walk. I hate messing up, and the knowledge that I very likely will KEEP messing up is discouraging.
For those who know me well, it will not be a shock to hear that I am a 'glass is half empty' kind of person. 'I'm not negative - I'm realistic' is often how I explain it, because as you can see, the glass IS half empty after all.
Without really noticing it, this negative attitude seemed to have snuck its way into my Bible reading as of late. For a few days, I was rather upset and frustrated with how difficult things were on earth. It frustrated me at how hard it was do so something so simple, while consistently live in a way that is pleasing to God. What Christ has given us to do in and of itself doesn't SOUND that hard, yet is incredibly challenging to accomplish.
What got me so frustrated reading through Matthew, was just how often it was that the disciples didn't get it. They saw first hand so many miracles and signs, and various times they are in shock, confessing, 'Wow, you really ARE the Son of God' - in my head I'm thinking 'Didn't we just get that established a few chapters ago?? Did you forget what you saw? How can you possibly be so blind?'
Now me being my negative self, this got me thinking. How is it that people exposed to so much God (for lack of a better term) can be so faithless? For people that saw things no other man could do unless he were the Son of God, they were pretty clueless. It's like they learned nothing at all!
Upon reading that, this here is what I got out of it:
If they can't do it, then how in the world am I going to?
And that thought, twisted and negative in nature, yet to myself, a valid question, put me in a slump. If these men who walked around with God himself before and after death couldn't even have an ounce of faith - often missed the picture time and time again, then there was no hope for me! I know very well how miserable I am when I am not in the Word and walking with God as I should be - contrawise though - the idea of constantly missing the picture and always having to relearn the same things over and over again doesn't sound all that great either.
For a few days, I was in a rather unpleasant mood. I remember sitting back on my porch, playing my guitar, only singing half the words because I couldn't bring conviction into what I was attempting to sing. I just couldn't get over it. Why was God calling me to be faithful when his own desciples couldn't do it half the time? How frustrating! I feel bad enough when I am unfaithful, and if the deciples are any indicator, I'm doomed to live a life of missed opportunity and countless mistakes. Was there any way I could ever be victorious and happy with my relationship with Him if I was doomed to fail each time I tried? If that was how things were going to be, was it worth trying? While I knew these thoughts were ridiculous, I couldn't seem to find an answer, so it only served to upset me further. What was I doing wrong?
I decided to title this entry as 'focus', because for where I am right now in the day to day grind of my walk with Christ, I feel this is my ultimate stumbling block - not my failures and unfaithfulness to God as I had initially thought. As I took a step back and began dwelling on the stories, I realized my focus from beginning to end was all wrong.
The focus of the Bible has never been about a terrible people that can't do a single thing right, though that often seems to be the case when looked at with a critical eye. If that's the mindset you are reading with, then like myself, you will miss the entire purpose of the Bible, and it's very possible that you too will glean things out of the Word that aren't at all what's being said.
God's Word has never been a how-to story of people and their great successes in life, but rather a perfect God who is the solution to our sin nature! It is a story detailing His holiness, His loving nature, and a historical record of His efforts to redeem creation. When we shift our focus off the main character, and onto the 'side characters', the story becomes jaded and we miss vital lessons that the Father has placed in the Word for our benefit.
Instead of focusing on how often Peter has his 'foot in mouth' moments, it would be a much more impacting (and much more encouraging!) lesson to see how Jesus never stops being graceful and compassionate towards people - how patient he is through mistakes, and how he always guides his followers to the next step in their walk with Him - be it reaffirming his identity as Messiah, or seeing Him in a new light that grows them closer to him.
If I am so focused on MY mistakes, on MY shortcomings, and MY inability to serve to where I feel I should, then it is no wonder I am getting frustrated and feeling unfulfilled in my walk as of late! If I am so focused on myself and my own problems, that doesn't leave any room for God - of course there is going to be a problem!
Now bear in mind, it is not a bad thing to keep yourself accountable! We should often be giving ourselves a reality check and constantly comparing our lives to the truth of God's Word - where the issue lies is when we get so caught up in our mental checklist that we turn our focus off from Him and onto ourselves. While our intentions may have started well, they can end in a degrading, negative attitude that pulls our focus inward, not upward.
I do say this to myself really, because it is a shame to be so negative when we are such a blessed people. I am not referring to the things and 'stuff' we have, though that is certainly a blessing in and of itself, what I am in reference towards is the fact that we, as children of God have direct access to Him. We are a chosen people. We are so, so special! How silly it is to ever have a negative spirit when we are just SO blessed to even be allowed access to Him. It's sad that we can be compelled to turn our eyes off Him for a moment in favor of something else - especially if that something is beating ourselves up because of our shortcomings.
Recent blessings, in some odd summary I guess, is that I did get the schedule change I requested. This means I'll be able to get more involved in church activities! Also, where I moved into is a really great Christian environment. My roommate is a fantastic girl named Joanna and she is a great, encouraging person to be around. This is something I’ll post about later, because it’s defiantly worth mentioning!
Update!
Posted by
Karissa
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As usual, it seems as though I have so much to say between this update and the last. Perhaps the biggest update is that through all the back and forthness between my attempts to get out to NTBI, in the end, it seems it will be a better plan to wait it off for a year to try to pay down some debt I've gathered, and possibly try to get rid of my car? I'm not sure yet. In summary though, it is certain that I will not be attending that school this semester and am staying here in Springfield for a while longer.
I will admit it was slightly discouraging to come SO close and miss the opportunity due to finances not being there, but while I am not excited about that closed door, I am very optimistic towards the doors that are opening, and may continue to open in the future for me. In the short time of my 'YES I AM GOING' to the now reality of, 'Aw Snap no I'm not' - so much has had to change!
One of the current changes that I have asked various people to be in prayer about it, is a schedule change at work. My current schedule is Monday thru Friday noon to nine, however because it is a night schedule, it means that ministries I'd want to be involved in (Freeway, Wednesday night Service, Southside Outside) I just can't attend. The schedule I am aiming for is Monday thru Friday seven thirty AM (YIKES!!) to three thirty PM. I talked with my manager about it today to see if there are any updates, and he says while he can't guarantee anything, he believes that I am first in line for a schedule change out of the people that requested it. Great news!
Also, with my roommate moving out last week, I too started looking for a new place to stay, and with where the time frames fell between family vacation and the start of a new month, it left me about one week to find a new place to stay. After searching, I was able to secure a place that will be a great change for the better. I can honestly say that without the help of others, I would NOT have been able to make the move at all. Further blessings on this being that Josh and Brenda are being pretty gracious when it comes to moving, so it is making the move as stress free as possible, all things considered. I moved the majority of my things out yesterday, and now simply have more cleaning and such to attend to.
The past few days have mainly consisted of me accepting the fact that I'm not moving, and has lead to a lot of reflections on my life - some good things - growth that I'm proud of - but other things that make me want to shy away from this examination. This is something that's been on my mind in result of this, and I wanted to share it. I've been thinking about how people take their relationship with God. Some of my thoughts all sparked from yesterday when I was moving into the new house; my neighbor has the famous 'Coexist' bumper sticker on his/her car. I remember once I was talking to my Dad about how frustrating and confusing it could be when people refer to God as if he were multiple different persons based off what that individual was looking for.
In the past I've heard things like 'MY God is a loving God' or 'Well that's not the God I serve'
The way I see it, there is only ONE God, and you either serve Him, or you don't. Because there is only one God and he is constant and unchanging, either you know Him and serve Him, or what you've created is an idol in His place.
When you have a confrontation with God, you change. Either you choose to walk away, or you believe in His truth and adjust your life accordingly. Yet often times when I hear people talk about their beliefs or the fact they go to church, they speak as though God is the one who changes when He is confronted by them.
'I divorced my husband because he was a bad man. The God I serve and go to church for understands that. I did the right thing.'
That was the subject one of my coworkers were discussing as she was sharing her faith with others some time back. When she heard that God was opposed to divorce, she left the church, but when she sat back and thought about it, she knew HER God didn't condemn her, and in fact supported her decision. She is loyal to the church and her god to this day.
What bothers me about this line of thought is simply this - when confronted with God, the proper response is to change. There cannot be a middle road of 'Yes I know this is contrary to God's Word, but I am special. So special that this book that details God's provision and plan for my life actually does not apply. I can do what I want, and keep my relationship with God up on the side.'
That last thought is a bit extreme, but isn't that what we do? We disillusion ourselves to try to justify that we are different - that we can have it both ways. For me, I feel quite passionate about this, because this is really where I am in my life right now. I am not above this, this is where I am residing and a reality I fight day by day! I'm ashamed to say it's a battle I often loose.
I want to live the way I want to, but because I am God's child, I will always be drawn to Him, even in times where I am slacking in my walk with Him. The message of that bumper sticker 'Coexist' is not possible. God cannot "coexist" with sin. I understand the message is to accept other religions, and while I'm not on a witch hunt here, I know very well that there is ONE way to heaven, and when I'm telling other people 'Hey, you've got your own way so that's great if that works for you' then I am doing them a HORRIBLE injustice.
Giving an honest review of my life and relationship with Him,I have a long way to go. I'm not faithful, I'm very hypocritical, and frankly, live life like the very people that frustrate me. I want God AND my way.
The two cannot coexist though - we can try to ram them together as best as we can, but it is truly impossible. That's the thought that keeps grating me. There is no such thing as 'coexisting' with God. We either reject Him as Lord and Messiah, or we believe in his Son. When we come into His family through Jesus, we are a NEW creature. We are 100% different because we were once spiritually dead, and now we are alive. We cannot be who we were before and expect our relationship with God to flourish. Again, the proper thing to do when confronted with truth, is to change - to match your life up to the truth revealed in His word. That's what I plan to do. As much as I want my way, God's proved faithful time and time again, so I know His way is best.
I will admit it was slightly discouraging to come SO close and miss the opportunity due to finances not being there, but while I am not excited about that closed door, I am very optimistic towards the doors that are opening, and may continue to open in the future for me. In the short time of my 'YES I AM GOING' to the now reality of, 'Aw Snap no I'm not' - so much has had to change!
One of the current changes that I have asked various people to be in prayer about it, is a schedule change at work. My current schedule is Monday thru Friday noon to nine, however because it is a night schedule, it means that ministries I'd want to be involved in (Freeway, Wednesday night Service, Southside Outside) I just can't attend. The schedule I am aiming for is Monday thru Friday seven thirty AM (YIKES!!) to three thirty PM. I talked with my manager about it today to see if there are any updates, and he says while he can't guarantee anything, he believes that I am first in line for a schedule change out of the people that requested it. Great news!
Also, with my roommate moving out last week, I too started looking for a new place to stay, and with where the time frames fell between family vacation and the start of a new month, it left me about one week to find a new place to stay. After searching, I was able to secure a place that will be a great change for the better. I can honestly say that without the help of others, I would NOT have been able to make the move at all. Further blessings on this being that Josh and Brenda are being pretty gracious when it comes to moving, so it is making the move as stress free as possible, all things considered. I moved the majority of my things out yesterday, and now simply have more cleaning and such to attend to.
The past few days have mainly consisted of me accepting the fact that I'm not moving, and has lead to a lot of reflections on my life - some good things - growth that I'm proud of - but other things that make me want to shy away from this examination. This is something that's been on my mind in result of this, and I wanted to share it. I've been thinking about how people take their relationship with God. Some of my thoughts all sparked from yesterday when I was moving into the new house; my neighbor has the famous 'Coexist' bumper sticker on his/her car. I remember once I was talking to my Dad about how frustrating and confusing it could be when people refer to God as if he were multiple different persons based off what that individual was looking for.
In the past I've heard things like 'MY God is a loving God' or 'Well that's not the God I serve'
The way I see it, there is only ONE God, and you either serve Him, or you don't. Because there is only one God and he is constant and unchanging, either you know Him and serve Him, or what you've created is an idol in His place.
When you have a confrontation with God, you change. Either you choose to walk away, or you believe in His truth and adjust your life accordingly. Yet often times when I hear people talk about their beliefs or the fact they go to church, they speak as though God is the one who changes when He is confronted by them.
'I divorced my husband because he was a bad man. The God I serve and go to church for understands that. I did the right thing.'
That was the subject one of my coworkers were discussing as she was sharing her faith with others some time back. When she heard that God was opposed to divorce, she left the church, but when she sat back and thought about it, she knew HER God didn't condemn her, and in fact supported her decision. She is loyal to the church and her god to this day.
What bothers me about this line of thought is simply this - when confronted with God, the proper response is to change. There cannot be a middle road of 'Yes I know this is contrary to God's Word, but I am special. So special that this book that details God's provision and plan for my life actually does not apply. I can do what I want, and keep my relationship with God up on the side.'
That last thought is a bit extreme, but isn't that what we do? We disillusion ourselves to try to justify that we are different - that we can have it both ways. For me, I feel quite passionate about this, because this is really where I am in my life right now. I am not above this, this is where I am residing and a reality I fight day by day! I'm ashamed to say it's a battle I often loose.
I want to live the way I want to, but because I am God's child, I will always be drawn to Him, even in times where I am slacking in my walk with Him. The message of that bumper sticker 'Coexist' is not possible. God cannot "coexist" with sin. I understand the message is to accept other religions, and while I'm not on a witch hunt here, I know very well that there is ONE way to heaven, and when I'm telling other people 'Hey, you've got your own way so that's great if that works for you' then I am doing them a HORRIBLE injustice.
Giving an honest review of my life and relationship with Him,I have a long way to go. I'm not faithful, I'm very hypocritical, and frankly, live life like the very people that frustrate me. I want God AND my way.
The two cannot coexist though - we can try to ram them together as best as we can, but it is truly impossible. That's the thought that keeps grating me. There is no such thing as 'coexisting' with God. We either reject Him as Lord and Messiah, or we believe in his Son. When we come into His family through Jesus, we are a NEW creature. We are 100% different because we were once spiritually dead, and now we are alive. We cannot be who we were before and expect our relationship with God to flourish. Again, the proper thing to do when confronted with truth, is to change - to match your life up to the truth revealed in His word. That's what I plan to do. As much as I want my way, God's proved faithful time and time again, so I know His way is best.
Time to Update!
Posted by
Karissa
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Goodness it's been a while since I've made an update to my blog, which is quite a shame because so much has happened between now and my previous update. I am still trying to figure out the details over the next steps I want to take to bring myself to a better place to serve God.
While I would like to see myself head out to NTBI in August, the option of staying here in Springfield has its benefits as well. For now I am trying to avoid making a decision as best possible because I'll be honest, thinking too much about it really stresses me out, and considering college doesn't start until August, the stress really isn't necessary at this point.
For right now, what's on my heart is a small excerpt in Acts. Pastor James was recently using it in a sermon, and it has been stuck in my mind since then.
On the morrow, as they went on their journey, and drew nigh unto the city, Peter went up upon the housetop to pray about the sixth hour:
And he became very hungry, and would have eaten: but while they made ready, he fell into a trance,
And saw heaven opened, and a certain vessel descending unto him, as it had been a great sheet knit at the four corners, and let down to the earth:
Wherein were all manner of fourfooted beasts of the earth, and wild beasts, and creeping things, and fowls of the air.
And there came a voice to him, Rise, Peter; kill, and eat.
But Peter said, Not so, Lord; for I have never eaten any thing that is common or unclean.
And the voice spake unto him again the second time, What God hath cleansed, that call not thou common.
This was done thrice: and the vessel was received up again into heaven.
(Acts 10: 9-16)
For me, the specific verse that speaks out the most is verse fifteen, where Peter is corrected in assuming the animals seen in his vision to be unclean, therefore inedible. For me, this hits so close to home right now.
Often times, I am so quick to assume myself to be in the category of unclean, unusable, and unworthy. I know my heart, I know my struggles, and I know my inconsistencies. I can see my failures, see a perfect God and say to myself, 'There is no way I can serve and follow God now. Not anymore.' While many of these things negative qualities WOULD be true of myself, God has sanctified me with his Son. God has called me to serve and honor him, no matter where I am in my walk. Through his Son, I am righteous.
Being very honest here, I don't say that last line with conviction. It is hard for me to come to terms with the fact that God calls me clean and righteous. It's one of the things I know in my head, but haven't fully been able to come to terms with in my walk with Him. It's hard to look at my life and say, this is the picture of a justified Saint.
...Me?? Are you kidding me?
I don't know if that's the terms Peter would have said if he were alive in today's timeframe, but that the tone I see him using in his vision. "Me?? Kill and eat what exactly? Lord, I've never done that before, ever. It's unclean! Are you kidding me??"
I somewhat debate with myself what may have caused that reaction from Peter, to tell God a flat 'No. ‘Part of me says it was pride being raised Jewish; tradition just would not permit him to change. Another part, perhaps the more gracious, understanding side of me, would like to believe it wasn't him being stubborn, he simply didn't understand why he was suddenly being called to do something that made absolutely no sense to him.
He was raised to believe that those things were unclean. It would be a sin to eat them! If God told me to do something that negated everything I had been raised to believe was right, I will be the first to admit that I would be getting my ears checked, asking all my friends and family if I had heard right. Certainly it can't be God telling me to do this thing, right?
It's easy for us to miss the mark when it comes to spiritual things because we don't have the same perspective that God does. It was soon after revealed to Peter why he received that puzzling vision, but the fact that Peter didn't know that before hand, I can very well see why he wasn't instantly sharpening his best animal killing cleaver. (If they had such a thing.)
Without going into details, a few things have been brought to my attention lately, where people have come to me in some variant, seeing me as someone worthy to assist as a fellow believer. Though I am excited for these new opportunities, I'd be lying if I said that I was one hundred percent sold out to it.
A part of me still feels unworthy, unclean, and unusable. Though I have long wanted to step up and be used in the ministry and make a difference for Christ, the second I get stepping stones in that direction - I hesitate. Something mentally seems to say, 'YOU, helping guide and encourage others? HA!' It seems like just yesterday I was floundering and unable to keep in God's word, and it's still a day to day struggle. Somehow I am now helping others in their walk?
Last night I couldn't sleep because that verse kept ringing in my ear, What God hath cleansed, that call not thou common.
In short, I don't 'feel' cleansed. I don't 'feel' like I am sanctified, or that I am worthy to be used of God in any way, shape or form - but luckily, that's not my judgment call to make. That decision belongs to God alone, who has decided that I am worthy, and that I should be used to admonish and encourage others. It's very humbling.
I don't know what God has called me to do, but I do know I want to serve him. I value my relationship with him, and while I feel like I fall down more than anything else, it's a journey that's well worth living for, wherever it takes me, whatever bruises and scrapes I may acquire along the way.
While I would like to see myself head out to NTBI in August, the option of staying here in Springfield has its benefits as well. For now I am trying to avoid making a decision as best possible because I'll be honest, thinking too much about it really stresses me out, and considering college doesn't start until August, the stress really isn't necessary at this point.
For right now, what's on my heart is a small excerpt in Acts. Pastor James was recently using it in a sermon, and it has been stuck in my mind since then.
On the morrow, as they went on their journey, and drew nigh unto the city, Peter went up upon the housetop to pray about the sixth hour:
And he became very hungry, and would have eaten: but while they made ready, he fell into a trance,
And saw heaven opened, and a certain vessel descending unto him, as it had been a great sheet knit at the four corners, and let down to the earth:
Wherein were all manner of fourfooted beasts of the earth, and wild beasts, and creeping things, and fowls of the air.
And there came a voice to him, Rise, Peter; kill, and eat.
But Peter said, Not so, Lord; for I have never eaten any thing that is common or unclean.
And the voice spake unto him again the second time, What God hath cleansed, that call not thou common.
This was done thrice: and the vessel was received up again into heaven.
(Acts 10: 9-16)
For me, the specific verse that speaks out the most is verse fifteen, where Peter is corrected in assuming the animals seen in his vision to be unclean, therefore inedible. For me, this hits so close to home right now.
Often times, I am so quick to assume myself to be in the category of unclean, unusable, and unworthy. I know my heart, I know my struggles, and I know my inconsistencies. I can see my failures, see a perfect God and say to myself, 'There is no way I can serve and follow God now. Not anymore.' While many of these things negative qualities WOULD be true of myself, God has sanctified me with his Son. God has called me to serve and honor him, no matter where I am in my walk. Through his Son, I am righteous.
Being very honest here, I don't say that last line with conviction. It is hard for me to come to terms with the fact that God calls me clean and righteous. It's one of the things I know in my head, but haven't fully been able to come to terms with in my walk with Him. It's hard to look at my life and say, this is the picture of a justified Saint.
...Me?? Are you kidding me?
I don't know if that's the terms Peter would have said if he were alive in today's timeframe, but that the tone I see him using in his vision. "Me?? Kill and eat what exactly? Lord, I've never done that before, ever. It's unclean! Are you kidding me??"
I somewhat debate with myself what may have caused that reaction from Peter, to tell God a flat 'No. ‘Part of me says it was pride being raised Jewish; tradition just would not permit him to change. Another part, perhaps the more gracious, understanding side of me, would like to believe it wasn't him being stubborn, he simply didn't understand why he was suddenly being called to do something that made absolutely no sense to him.
He was raised to believe that those things were unclean. It would be a sin to eat them! If God told me to do something that negated everything I had been raised to believe was right, I will be the first to admit that I would be getting my ears checked, asking all my friends and family if I had heard right. Certainly it can't be God telling me to do this thing, right?
It's easy for us to miss the mark when it comes to spiritual things because we don't have the same perspective that God does. It was soon after revealed to Peter why he received that puzzling vision, but the fact that Peter didn't know that before hand, I can very well see why he wasn't instantly sharpening his best animal killing cleaver. (If they had such a thing.)
Without going into details, a few things have been brought to my attention lately, where people have come to me in some variant, seeing me as someone worthy to assist as a fellow believer. Though I am excited for these new opportunities, I'd be lying if I said that I was one hundred percent sold out to it.
A part of me still feels unworthy, unclean, and unusable. Though I have long wanted to step up and be used in the ministry and make a difference for Christ, the second I get stepping stones in that direction - I hesitate. Something mentally seems to say, 'YOU, helping guide and encourage others? HA!' It seems like just yesterday I was floundering and unable to keep in God's word, and it's still a day to day struggle. Somehow I am now helping others in their walk?
Last night I couldn't sleep because that verse kept ringing in my ear, What God hath cleansed, that call not thou common.
In short, I don't 'feel' cleansed. I don't 'feel' like I am sanctified, or that I am worthy to be used of God in any way, shape or form - but luckily, that's not my judgment call to make. That decision belongs to God alone, who has decided that I am worthy, and that I should be used to admonish and encourage others. It's very humbling.
I don't know what God has called me to do, but I do know I want to serve him. I value my relationship with him, and while I feel like I fall down more than anything else, it's a journey that's well worth living for, wherever it takes me, whatever bruises and scrapes I may acquire along the way.
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